I was in a unique position before I started the Empowerment Program for women as I was conducting research into the benefits of Equine Assisted Learning for disabled and non-disabled adults at the time. Through my research I was aware of the objectives of EAL and the positive effects that participating in an EAL program can have on those who participate in a program. As a result, I entered the program as a participant and as a researcher. However, as the first day unfolded and I was exposed to the different characters of the horses and the activities which forced me to evaluate past and present relationships I began to realise the researcher in me was taking a step back and allowing me, the participant the opportunity to fully appreciate the phenomena that was taking place. The opportunity to create a space where I was able explores and reflect upon the relationships between, fear–courage, dominance–partnership, empowerment–disempowerment and clarity–ambiguity within the different relationships within my life.’ The overwhelming size and strength of the horses also demanded my attention and respect and required from me a level of attentiveness. As a result of the level of awareness I was experiencing, as Emily created activities where the horses were my co-workers and teachers I was able to development an understanding of what it really meant to be present in a particular moment. Something I have tried very hard most of my life to avoid and that was to deal with the moment …
I was able to give myself permission to be present to the emotions I was feeling and to allow oppressed emotions to surface and flow away and experience each emotion, not to own it or hold on to it, but just let it pass without judgment of myself. Even to this day, I give myself permission to explore, but not own any emotion that does not allow me grow in a positive way. Each session I attended, I came in a different emotional state which I was unaware of but soon became apparent to me by the behaviour of the horses. Over the years like most people I have become an expert at masking my true emotions from others and even to myself.
However, as clever as I believed myself to be when it came to masking or hiding what emotional state I was truly experiencing at a particular moment, I came undone in the company of the horse.
When I presented verbal communication that did not reflect my internal state to the horse I happened to be working with, or behaved in a manner that did not reflect my internal state, the horse instinctively reacted by becoming restless or moving away from me. From the very reaction of the horse it made me reflect and become aware of the emotion I was really experiencing. As a result from this experience I have been able to address emotions and problems that arise in my life and instead of dismissing them, I acknowledge them and try and find productive and efficient solutions and then, move on.